Quick understanding
Sharing may look like a simple childhood behaviour, but it actually requires several developmental skills working together. A child needs to notice another person, understand that…
Key takeaways
- Sharing may look like a simple childhood behaviour, but it actually requires several developmental skills working together.
- A child needs to notice another person, understand that the other person also wants to participate, shift attention between the person and the...
- For some children with autism, one or more of these skills may be difficult. Therefore, difficulty sharing should not automatically be interpr...
Sharing may look like a simple childhood behaviour, but it actually requires several developmental skills working together.
A child needs to notice another person, understand that the other person also wants to participate, shift attention between the person and the activity, tolerate waiting, communicate, understand turn-taking and sometimes accept that an enjoyable activity will temporarily be interrupted.
For some children with autism, one or more of these skills may be difficult. Therefore, difficulty sharing should not automatically be interpreted as selfishness, stubbornness or poor parenting.
Sharing Depends on Social Understanding
Sharing is closely connected with social communication and social reciprocity.
Social reciprocity involves responding to another person and participating in a back-and-forth interaction.
A child may enjoy a toy but not yet understand why another child wants to join the activity. Another child may understand the expectation but find it difficult to predict what their peer will do with the toy.
These are different challenges and may require different types of support.
Joint Attention Is an Important Foundation
Joint attention means sharing attention toward the same object, event or activity with another person.
For example, a child sees a toy airplane, looks toward a parent, points toward the airplane and then looks back at the parent. Both people are sharing attention around the same experience.
Joint attention is important for social interaction, communication and learning.
Some children with autism need additional support to develop these skills. When shared attention is difficult, activities such as cooperative play and sharing may also be harder.
Waiting and Turn-Taking Can Be Difficult
Giving up a preferred toy even briefly requires the child to understand that the toy will return.
For a child who has difficulty understanding time, sequencing or another person’s intentions, “wait for your turn” may be very abstract.
Using concrete language can help:
“My turn, then your turn.”
Visual turn-taking cards or short timers may also make the sequence easier to understand.
Preferred Interests Can Make Sharing Harder
A highly preferred object may provide enjoyment, predictability or sensory comfort.
Expecting a child to immediately share that object may create unnecessary distress, particularly while the concept of turn-taking is still being learned.
Parents and therapists can initially practise sharing with less preferred materials before gradually introducing more valued objects.
Begin With Parallel Play
Children do not always need to start with fully cooperative play.
Parallel play—where two children play alongside each other with similar materials—can provide opportunities to become comfortable being near another child without immediately requiring constant interaction.
Over time, adults can introduce simple shared activities such as rolling a ball, building a tower together, completing a puzzle or taking turns adding pieces to a game.
Keep Early Turns Short
A child learning to share may tolerate very short turns better than long waits.
For example:
“Your turn.”
“My turn.”
“Your turn again.”
The child experiences an important lesson: giving the toy to someone else does not mean losing it permanently.
As the skill develops, waiting time can gradually increase.
Model the Skill
Adults can demonstrate sharing during everyday activities.
For example:
“Mum has the blocks. Now Dad’s turn. Now your turn.”
The language should remain simple and consistent so that the child can connect the words with what is happening.
Avoid Forcing Social Interaction
Physically taking away an object simply to make a child “share” may increase distress without teaching the social skill behind sharing.
Instead, teaching should focus on understanding turns, communication, waiting and shared enjoyment.
The aim is not simply to make the child hand over a toy. The longer-term goal is meaningful participation with other people.
Reinforce Successful Interaction
When the child waits, offers an object, accepts another person’s turn or participates in a shared activity, adults can provide immediate positive feedback.
For example:
“Great waiting.”
“Nice turn-taking.”
“You gave the car to your brother and then got it back.”
Specific feedback helps the child understand exactly what went well.
Individualised Support Matters
Some children may develop sharing skills naturally with practice. Others may benefit from structured teaching of joint attention, turn-taking, play, communication and social interaction.
Developmental expectations should also be appropriate for the child’s age and abilities. Young children without autism can also find sharing difficult, so a single behaviour should never be used in isolation to make conclusions about development.
With appropriate support, many children can gradually build greater comfort with shared activities and social play.
Contact Autism Alliance
Autism Alliance – Parents First. Always.
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+91 9646 503200
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What parents should know
A useful article should make the next step clearer, not increase worry. Notice patterns, write down examples from daily life, and seek guidance when concerns repeat across routines or settings.
Clinical note
This article is educational. A child-specific plan should be based on direct clinical review, developmental history, caregiver input, and functional goals.
Common questions
Frequently asked questions
Use it as structured guidance for understanding concerns and preparing better questions for a qualified professional. It should not replace an individual clinical consultation.
